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Article 44:- The gift of Sex…

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I have always wanted to write about this. I do believe that sex is indeed beautiful, in the context of marriage, otherwise it is profaned. I also believe that there are two functions of sex that are not mutually exclusive, that is the unitive, and the pro-creative. I also know that in our selfish motives, humanity has magnified the unitive aspects and struggled a lot to frustrate the pro creative aspects. However, I recently read this post from Pastor Antonio Vance and I don’t think I could have brought it out better than he expressed.

So I will share the read here.

Most times when sex is mentioned among believers, what you normally hear is what singles should not do until marriage or what husbands and wives should not do outside of marriage. You rarely ever hear that sex is a beautiful gift that God created to be fully enjoyed. Now it’s true this is only to be done within the confinements of marriage between husband and wife, but the point is too many talk about the perversion of sex while very little address the beautiful gift of sex.

Sex is a gift from God and according to the word, any gift from God is good. So sex is good. Can you even fix your mouth to say that? “Sex is good”! And not only is sex good but sex is a blessing! Yes we know fornication is bad because fornication is sin. And we also know that adultery is bad because adultery is sin. But sex, (making love, being intimate with each other, whichever you like to call it), is good because it is holy, intimate, an act of worship and a gift from God.

God is the one who made us and He made us to be attracted to the opposite sex. He didn’t make several different types of sex’s as the word says, “He made them (us) “male and female” (Gen 2:6) and He made male to be attracted to female and female to be attracted to male. What kind of attraction? SEXUAL attraction.

Contrary to popular beliefs and teachings in the Christian community, it is not a sin for a man to be sexually attracted to a woman nor is it a sin for a woman to be sexually attracted to a man. God Himself gave us these desires and He gave us these desires so that we could enjoy His gift of sex to us. The only requirement to operate in this beautiful gift is that a man takes a woman to be his wife, FOR LIFE! That’s it! This gift is so intimate that it’s actually a part of what joins man and wife as one. So it’s time for believers to stop downplaying sex and see it for the beautiful gift that it really is.

And that means you cannot separate marriage from sex nor sex from marriage. You can’t talk honorably about marriage yet talk down about sex. Why? Because God made sex and gifted it to every man and woman who marries. So if sex is only for a man and woman who’s married, and marriage is honorable, and sex comes only with what’s honorable (marriage), then it is safe to say that marriage which includes sex is honorable.

Now it’s true that you can be married and not have sex for whatever reason and your marriage would still be honorable, but the gift of sex is still available to you whether you use it or not. I remember once a single Christian man asked us, “What’s sex other than sweating, grunting and climaxing”? It was actually somewhat sad that a single believing man had such a distorted view of a gift created by our Heavenly Father. Who knows how many other singles view sex in this same way? If more believers had balance in this area where they would learn not only about the sin of sex but the blessing of sex as well, then maybe there would be less fornication among single believers, less sexual problems in marriage among newlyweds, less adultery among confessing believers and more sex between husbands and wives.

But instead, the sin is talked about more than the blessing, so what most believers know is what not to do instead of what they can do. And then couples are too embarrassed to ask anything about the gift of sex because it’s been made to be shameful not realizing that sex is also apart of love…in marriage.

Too many married couples struggle with sex because all they ever heard when it came to sex while they were single was how sex before marriage was a sin. But what about what’s not sin? Is sin all there is? Scripture says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom/liberty” (2 Cor 3:17 ), so in this case and for this situation that means that believing married couples should be able to freely learn about this this gift from other believing married couples without restraint, embarrassment or condemnation. When the brethren truly come together to learn in the freedom of Christ about whatever the topic is, you won’t have so many of God’s people in bondage in their marriages. There are actually many believing newlyweds who know so much about marriage but don’t know much about sex. So they struggle because all they know is what not to do and since talking about sex is so taboo, they are afraid to ask older couples in the Lord for fear of embarrassment. So now wives aren’t being pleased and are hurting, husbands don’t know their wives aren’t being pleased or hurting and in the end couples do this for years and miss the fullness of this beautiful gift. Yet the scriptures say that the younger should teach the older and Titus 2 even goes so far as to say the older wives should teach the younger wives “…how to love their husbands…” Well, did you know in marriage loving your spouse includes sex?

The gift of sex in marriage is to please each other sexually while worshiping God spiritually. Yes sex is an act of worship and God is pleased when husband and wife come together sexually. He doesn’t leave the room when married couples make love to each other. He doesn’t turn His back when husbands and wives are sexually intimate. In fact God approves of couples engaging in the very gift that He created just for them! When a Father gives a gift to his children, he wants his children to enjoy that gift and take pleasure in it. And one of the amazing things about this gift of sex is, it has wonderful benefits for both husband and wife. What benefits? Glad you asked!

Some of the benefits of sex in marriage are, it relieves stress which has been medically proven, it brings forth children which are blessings and a heritage of the Lord. It brings couples closer together and causes them to become one. It’s one way husband and wife can express their true love for each other. Yes sex shows TRUE LOVE which is rarely ever talked about. How so? Because this deeply intimate gift is to be shared with husband and wife only and when couples partake in this blessing with each other only, it displays that, “No one else can partake in this gift with me but YOU”. Don’t you see? It’s just that private and just that personal that no one can share in this gift with a husband but his wife and no one can share in this gift with a wife but her husband.

It is very rare if ever that you find a believing married couple who understand the gift of sex, involved in any sexual activities outside of their marriage or even divorcing. When believing couples understand this gift, they won’t have to be told that adultery is sin because they will understand just how sacred this gift from God is.

So let’s stop talking bad about something that is good and is from God. Marriage is honorable and marriage includes sex. Let us who are married partake in this beautiful gift as often as we agree to and let those of us who are single look forward to this gift in the sanctity of marriage. Let us no longer be afraid to talk about this blessing as long as it is for edification and and education among the brethren and let us also understand that sex is a beautiful gift from God to husbands and wives.

1 Cor 7:3 (GWT), “Husbands and wives should satisfy each other’s [sexual] needs”.

The scripture shows that both husband and wife have sexual needs that must be fulfilled by each other. Sex in marriage is a need and that is the way God made it.

1 Cor 7:4 (NIV), “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife”.

Another way to say yield is ‘to give’. So in other words, the wife gives her body to her husband for his sexual pleasure and to be pleased in return just as the husband gives his body to his wife for her sexual pleasure and to be pleased in return. No one else can have each other’s bodies but one another.

1 Cor 7:5 (NLT), “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control”.

Because sex is a need of both husband and wife, God has made it clear in His word that both have to agree to refrain from sexual intimacy to pray (or fast) and that it be only for a limited time. Then after that time, God instructs husband and wife to come together again so that Satan won’t tempt either of them. Satan does not always tempt husband or wife with another man or woman, but often times he tempts them with obscene pictures and videos, masturbation which is self-pleasure/self-gratification without your spouse and/or lusting after the same sex. In other words, God gave instructions along with the gift of sex to both husband and wife and when those instructions (His word) are applied correctly, there is pleasure for both husband and wife, less temptation, closeness experienced, an act of worship before the Lord, conception of children, healing from past sexual hurts and more!

Prov 5:15-19, “Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love”.

Food for ingestion and digestion…

The 7 day #BibleChallenge…. Day 2

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1 Corinthians 6:18-19

…Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body…

Sexual immorality means surrendering of sexual purity. It can also be defined as “selling off” or trading of sexual purity and involves any type of sexual expression outside the boundaries of a biblically defined marriage relationship. In the New Testament, the word most often translated “sexual immorality” is the greek word porneia. This word is also translated to or mainly implies “whoredom,” “fornication,” and “idolatry.” In the contemporary world where sex has evolved to more crazier definitions, also mentioned in the bible from as early as Sodom and Gomorrah era, it involves gay-ism, lesbianism, beastiality and paedophilia.

On the other hand, Chastity is the state of being sexually pure. In my layman definition, it implies respecting the conjugal act and letting it be within the constraints within which it was ordained for. It means abstaining till marriage, and when married, remaining faithful to this one person one has chosen to give himself or herself to, totally and completely.

In my article, Is Chastity Overrated,  I elaborate on the importance of Chastity, the benefits and all details as appertains to this topic.Why was Paul insistent on people fleeing from sexual immorality. It is because our sexuality is a part of who we are. They are a part of our substance. Anything that offends our substance makes as less of who we are. This is why one can be beaten, cut, bruised or clobbered and the wounds inflicted heal and in as much as they leave scars, they are forgotten. That which offends our sexuality is carried through our life. That is why rape degrades, it makes one feel dirty, and totally broken. Any sexual abuse leaves scars that last forever. Many people learn to live with those scars, but if you ask them they will still tell you how unworthy they feel inside especially as a man or woman. Why flee? Because in as much as our purity may be our strength, because it is a part of who we are, and because of the vulnerability that the first man’s sin introduced in our person, our sexuality is our biggest weakness. May we flee from that which makes us very vulnerable to spiritual abuse, may we hold our selves pure, because as St Augustine put it, better absolute abstinence than perfect moderation.

To learn more on chastity and answer those frequently asked questions, visit, Chastity.com

Article 38:- Condoms for kids…

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On February 18th, this year, the President of the Republic of Kenya launched the “Global All In”, a campaign aimed at reducing new HIV/AIDS infections among adolescents. This has been branded condoms for kids campaign locally.  The reactions of parents, depending on the values, upbringing, religion and personal beliefs ranged from utter disbelief to cheerful glee. Personally I am appalled and the first thing that came to my head was anger at the fact that we, parents have failed to raise our children in the right values that we have let the state should dictate their sexual lives. The other thing that came to my head was a poem I heard a long time ago while in primary school and it went like this…

AIDS HAVE YOU NO MERCY?

AIDS, oh AIDS
The mention of your name
Scares me out of my skin,
Out of the darkness,
You crept in and swept our continent.
From North to South
And from East to West,
Thousand and thousand you have killed
Spoiled the beauty of our continent 
Causing no meaning to life,
Yet you are not satisfied.
AIDS, do you have mercy?

OH! Aids you are deadly monster,

You have taken our fathers and mothers,
Brothers and sisters,
Homes are but full of graves
Children are orphans,
Women are widows,
Men are widowers;
Why!
Just because of you mister slim?
Others call you kill me quick; ….

But after the initial immediate emotion, I can now rationalize things, question things. Basics; According to CDC, HIV virus is transmitted through sexual contact, injectibles for drug users, childbirth and breastfeeding transmission, occupational exposure e.g. for doctors during emergencies, accidents first aids etc, and blood transfusions. The highest infection rates are through sexual encounters and injectibles for drug users. The mother to child transfers has been reduced to almost zero because of the special care during pregnancy, childbirth and parents post natal care. Transmission through blood transfusions is almost nonexistent. Medics will tell you that there is a thorough screening of blood before any blood is transfused to a patient. That leaves us to believe that our children are getting infected with HIV through either drugs or they are sexually active. Majority of births are HIV negative. So before the children were infected, an adult had sex with a minor and infected this child with HIV. So if we are giving the children condoms are we really solving the problem? Or are we opening doors for the same adults to keep abusing our children? After that initial transmission, children became sexually active. What propelled that? Is it because our media is full of advertisements on how sex is good as long as condoms are used? Or is it because we have not taught our children the value of chastity and abstinence? Or is it because they are using drugs and are sharing syringes? If we give them condoms are we solving the problem or we are growing the vice of drug and substance abuse? Are we going to have a syringe for kids campaign too for drug abusers? Guns for hire for underage thieves? Alcohol for kids campaign for drinking? Petrol for keeps for kids who burn each other in their sleep? Why is it so easy to condone one vice and condemn another? Why is premarital sex so easy to accept yet in the commandments they bear equal weight with any other commandments like thou shall not kill, thou shall not steal?

A fact that we should always bear in mind is, condoms do not prevent transmission of HIV/AIDs, it only reduces the risk of transmission; to what extent; ranges from 66% to 98% depending on the source of your data. If it’s the condoms distributor, well, be the judge. The risk of transmission is also cumulative, as statisticians would say, the more the use, the higher the risk. While AIDS remain one of the highest causes of deaths in the world, I have not seen in any obituary that any teen died of abstaining from sex. Another fact is, women are more prone to infection than men, due to our anatomy. The responsibility of reducing the rates of infection and eventually the rates of deaths lies squarely on our shoulders. I have always said that without a woman’s consent, sex can never be otherwise it would be rape. We are the custodians of morality, can we all stand up and be counted as those who literally reduces this pandemic?

The conclusion of the poem above went like this…

Scientist have gone to the moon
And made nuclear weapon and yet
You have defeated all.
Brothers and sisters,
Friends and relatives and my loving parents
Lend me your ears and get this message right.
With a broken heart I am asking you,
Please take care of your youth,
Stop bad habits, be faithful to each other.
This monster never sleeps
There is no cure for AIDS.
AIDS, do you have mercy

I rest my case…

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