Good Friday:- Through they eyes of a Mother

Leave a comment

The Pascal celebrations give meaning to the whole life of Christ. It is because He died for our salvation that we can derive meaning from every other aspect of our life. It is because of the meaning of the Pascal Celebrations that this tragic, sad, traumatizing Friday became Good Friday.

It is a good story to tell, how Christ came and died and saved us from our own iniquities. That the ultimate meaning of His life was in death. It is all beautiful and rosy and we feel very special because while we were yet sinners, the son of man chose and accepted the will of His Heavenly Daddy to die or us. What did it feel like to be the mother of this Son of Man? Just because Christ was God did not make His mother Mary celebrate this Journey. She was not seeing the Good in the Friday.

She was blessed with this child, who from His entry into her womb brought a roller coaster of events into her life. She was almost abandoned by her spouse, she bore him in a manger, she had to flee from her country to keep her alive from being killed by Herod, she had to listen to him diminish and devalue her motherhood in front of people multitudes of people as He declared, “My mother is anyone who does the will of my father”. He got lost when He was 12 and their efforts to finding him were such an anti climax. And here comes the mother of all moments. He enters Jerusalem as a King. It must have been a moment of pride for her. “Look, that is my son”. She must have shed a tear, glorying in the celebrations, as everyone sang Hosanna and waved leaves and put clothes at the feet of the cold. Jubilation. Exhilaration. Pride. Happiness.

And then, he was betrayed by one of His disciples. He was arrested. He was tried, before Pilate, before Herod, then returned to Pilate who, seeing no fault in Him, had him flogged. But the accusers were not satisfied. The bayed for His blood. They wanted Him dead. They would rather a known criminal be freed than Christ, (the one who fed them, healed their sick, spoke to them about the kingdom of God and performed many good deeds in their presence), remain alive in their midst. They cried loudly, en masse, “crucify Him£. Pilate gave in. He told them to do with Him as they willed. He was mocked and spat on, he was crowned with thorns, He was given a heavy cross to carry, He carried it. He was undressed, his last dignity taken away from Him, His hands and feet nailed to the cross, then in lot’s of agony, bleeding, hanging, exhausted, thirsty, beaten, battered, bruised, He gave up His spirit to His father, and died.

His mother was a part of all this. Were women allowed to be part of trials in the days of the Roman empire, I don’t know, but if they weren’t, I am sure she kept tab of the happenings. She had how he was condemned to death. How he was beaten. How He carried a heavy cross. He even run into Him as he headed to Calvary, carrying the heavy cross. He watched Him die from a distance. We know she was present at the cross because Christ called out to her. “Woman, behold your son”.

I imagine the pain of betrayal of the people she called her own. Her neighbors, her friends, the people she went t church with as she listened to them cry for Jesus blood. Demanding for Him to be crucified. No one stood for His son. I imagine the feeling of anger and rage at His chosen twelve. One sold Him out. The others ran away. Peter denied ever knowing Him. How could they all leave Him like that? What happened to the friendship? Were they even friends in the first place? Imagine the brokenness when they met on the road to Calvary. Him carrying the cross, she looking helplessly, wishing she could take the pain upon herself. Imagine her watching them undress Him, drive nails through His palms and feet, raising the cross up high and leaving him to bleed to death. Imagine her receiving the dead Jesus on her arms, burying her beloved only son in a borrowed grave. Darkness. Death. Pain. Betrayal.

Pain and betrayal are feelings we identify with. Death and darkness are present with us every day. And we can question, how good the Friday was for Mary. She may or may not have been party to the Pascal Mystery. She may have known Christ was going to die so all humanity may live. She may have been aware of the will of God upon her beloved only son. That did not take away the pain of betrayal, the frustration in the happenings, the desire to just take the pain away from her son, even for a second, the grief of death and burial, the seeming end of life in death. She may have tried to understand resurrection when her son spoke about it. It didn’t take away the pain of watching her only son die.

Was there anything good about the Friday for her? No. This was the day her world shattered. This was the day she watched her son’s closest buddies sell him off, denounce him and abandon him to the fate of the masses. This was the day the people she knew, communed with, went to church with, went to the market with, bought goods and wares from demanded in loud voices that her son be killed. I can imagine members of her family too. This was the day she watched her son die a shameful, most painful death. This was the day she held her dead son in her arms. This was the day she buried her child. Her only child.

What kept her going? What motivated her to walk with Christ in these circumstances?

Love? Maybe. The love of a mother for her children is a great motivator. Psychologists say an empty core is a great motivator. But a core full of love, is a greater, probably the greatest motivator of all. She loved her son to death.

Faith? Maybe. She believed in the resurrection. She believed in the salvation story as her son had revealed to her. She believed her son. She believed He was doing the right thing. She believed He was doing the will of God the father. And she loved the son she believed in. And in this love, she could bear it all.

Hope? Maybe. She hoped that when all is over, something good will come out of it.

Many mothers will confess to the confusion of parenting, the self doubt of whether I am doing the right thing, the self questioning of whether they are doing enough, being enough. The crossroad of sacrifice between personal growth and commitment to presence in the children’s lives. It is a journey of constant decision making. It is a life of twenty four -seven commitment to the well being of the children. Emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual. Was Mary a mother in all human sense? Yes. Mary inspires us, in this difficult journey of good Friday to parent with Hope, faith and Love.

Mothering in Hope calls us to the awareness that there is something bigger to parenting. It reminds us on the purpose of creation. That while the children were in our wombs, God commissioned them to a life of Purpose. We parent in hope that that purpose shall come to pass. Will that purpose be a bliss? Christ’s purpose was to suffer and die for the salvation of many. It was a difficult purpose for both mother and child. But by grace they both embraced the purpose and lived it to the end. Hope helps us to live in quiet peace that something good comes out of our efforts. That we are participating in something bigger. We are a part of God’s purpose of creation.

Mothering in faith calls us to believe in God’s presence and constant participation in our parenting journey. We are co parents to He who parented our children first. When It gets tough, may we believe in He who first loved them.

Mothering in Love calls us to just love our children, the best way we know how. Physically, by ensuring they are always provided for, a home, a roof, clothes, caring for them when they are ill, correcting them with empathy and love, walking with them in their life adventures. Mothering in Love demands just our presence and our best in whatever status of physical, mental and emotional state we are in. Children perceive love from what they see us doing and being when we are with them. If they are reading love, what are they reading as love in everything that we do? Love is a great motivator. May we love them enough to manifest love to the generations of people they will ever come in contact with.

Pain, brokenness and betrayal and even death did not stop Mary from being a mother. May we remember this because, motherhood, in as much as it is a lovely, fulfilling and happy journey, might bring us to spaces of pain, brokenness, betrayal and even death. Death as we live, and death in death itself. May we remember to keep being a mother, even when being a mother is very very difficult.

Inspirational People (1)… Agatha

Leave a comment



I met Agatha when I was a second year Architecture student at Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology. She used to visit my room mate, whom nicknamed “CUCU” because she was very motherly. She took care of us literally. Agatha was by then just another face who visited my roommates and being nocturnal, necessitated by the crazy schedule of my course, I barely interacted with our guests as much as I wanted to. Then came a time when the whole catholic community was praying for this girl Agatha who was to undergo a brain surgery. My heart went out to her. At the moment it never clicked that she was this frequent beautiful face with long straight hair who used to visit my room. A few months later, we went for charity work at Star of Hope children’s home. A mutual friend tagged along this beautiful girl, whose hair is now a one inch curly afro with a scar running across her scalp from slightly above the eye. It clicked, the Agatha my heart went out to, and I prayed for earnestly was the lady who frequented my room, and it was the lady smiling back at everyone so full of life, only that she was a survivor to a very delicate brain surgery that had 5% chance of her waking up normal. After the charity work, the Catholic Community once again organized a hike to Hell’s Gate Naivasha. Once again this girl joined us, not fully recovered but willing to participate in the adventure. I stayed close to this determined girl through the whole hike. She may have needed help once in a while during the hike but she was determined to get to the end of the trail we had taken. This was an introduction to a very intimate friendship that has grown so much.

We became fast friends. In the time I have known her, she has lived through many odds. I have watched her cry out of pain, a pain only I can imagine. I have watched her lose ability to use all her limbs. I have watched her in ICU and HDU with machines beeping and going crazy all over because her vitals were in some kind of failure. I have watched her go through thorough physiotherapy so that she could be in her friends celebrations. I have listened to her narrate doctors  diagnosis many of which I could not understand. I have sneaked in to hospital wards against hospital visiting hours just to be with her an extra hour or minute so she could stop counting the patterns on her ward curtains or stare on blank white hospital ceiling. I have watched her cry inwardly as her supervisors at work treated her unfairly because she got admitted and could not meet her performance targets. I have watched her struggle through school, which she eventually abandoned because her tutors and the students attendance system could not understand her frequent absent-ism necessitated by frequent hospital checkups and admissions. I have listened to her explain to me how she collapsed while driving to work and she had to be rushed to hospital by well wishers; and how she has severally fainted at work only to wake up in hospital bed hours later. I have waited with her in hospital receptions and casualties as she underwent treatment or awaited admission. I have listened to her toss and turn in bed because she was in pain or she could not fall asleep because she was being weaned off ‘heavy’ painkillers. I have walked with her, holding her hand and carrying her handbag through town since she couldn’t walk on her own. on one of these occasions when she could barely walk, she came to pick me up from the airport after I had traveled to attend one of our friend’s graduation.  I remember she once called me from one of the hospital’s parking lot to drive her home since she was too sick to drive herself. I have listened to her talk in frustration on how one day she hopes she will walk and travel and sleep without a medicine bag beside her bed. All these and so much more.

I have prayed for this girl, more than I have prayed for myself. I remember when she was blessed with her first baby. I went to see her in hospital and as I beheld the little boy I told God, “please spare her any more hospital admissions. If she gets admitted, who will look after the child you have blessed her with”. God listened. I cant thank Him enough for this miracle.

On Friday, the 20th of April 2018, I watched this same girl walk down the isle and say her “I Do” to her spouse. It was a very personal moment for me. I shared her day like it was my own and it brought me to the realization of how inspirational her life is. How much her life has impacted mine and how much dreams and hopes I have had for her.I had hoped that someday she will enjoy love, love of someone who really looked beyond the physical and love the beautiful inspiring person she was on the inside. Beyond the physical doesn’t mean she is not beautiful, she is a really beautiful lady.


Leave a comment



The First Luminous Mystery: – The Baptism of Our Lord

Every time I meditate on this, my thoughts are drawn to God’s word when the heavens opened. “Behold, my beloved Child, whom I am well pleased”. Was God pleased with His Baptism, or His life before the Baptism? I will assume both.

Prior to the Baptism, little is said of Christ except that once the parents found him after he got lost in the temple, he went home with them and lived in obedience. We see the role of Mary and Joseph in bringing up a child whose life was pleasing to God, pleasing enough for Him to open up the heavens and declare that Jesus Life was pleasing to Him. Parenthood requires us to not only to procreate, that is get children, but also educate them. Educate them such that they live lives pleasing to God. Many times, when Incense is burned in church, I ask myself, if my life is this smoke blowing up to the nostrils of God, would he be pleased with the aroma? As a parent, am I living a life that is a good example to my children? When I teach them that being God’s child means sharing what we have, for instance in their little lives, toys and their plate of fruits or playing games together, am I a living example to this sharing? When I tell them that God loves children who treat their fellow children well, and are not rude and do not yell or beat up others or cause injury or harm, or throw stones at the others, am I practicing the same things? Sometimes I look at them and tell God, how do I teach them you? How do I teach them to obey you? How do I teach them to live in Obedience to you? It is said that children learn more by example, more than by instruction. I am challenged every day to live a pleasing life because I no longer do it just for myself, I do it for my children too, of whose great responsibility of guiding them to heaven gates lies on my shoulders. How I wish that if heaven’s were to open, God would say, These are my beloved children of whom I am pleased.

How can we live a life that pleases God? In obedience to His commands. And what are his commands? Love. Love for God, Love for mankind. How do we exercise love for God and man in our daily lives? Whatsoever we do to the least of His Brothers, we do to God. This is the gospel we must practice and hope to God our children emulate.

God was pleased with the Baptism too, I assume. Prior to the event, John was hesitant to perform the ceremony. This is after all is Christ whose sandals he is not fit to carry. And this great man whom everyone has been waiting for, who will baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire wants poor, lowly John to baptize him. But Jesus tells Him “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented (Mathew 3:15). Baptism identifies us with the family of Christians. Jesus, though without sin, wanted everyone He was ministering the Gospel to, to identify Him with the family of believers. Christ did not need to be baptized, not for himself. But so that we stiff-necked people would identify with and accept his message, it was right to fulfill all righteousness. It was God’s will. It is God’s will that we all be baptized. It is God’s desire that we all be a community of believers. Our ancestry tied to Adam compromises our right to be children of God and Our baptism removes the impediment brought about by this ancestry.

There are symbols used during baptism that make me understand the significance of this moment. The white fabric placed on our foreheads that signifies we are new beings in Christ, that our lives are cleansed and we are white as snow, and our responsibility to bring this fabric to the heavenly gates unstained. How do we weak mortal people live untainted? By grace. Grace that reminds us to confess whenever we go wrong, grace that condemns our pride when humility is needed, grace that tells us we have offended the other and we need to apologize, grace that enables us to forgive. The responsibility gets heavier when we are God parents. We must assist these new Christians to bring this fabric to heaven unstained. Do we ever think of this when we are appointed as Gd parents? God parenting does not end with the camera moment. It is a lifetime responsibility of prayer and presence to those who we accept to Godparent. Do we think about this when we are appointing our children’s godparents? Probably not. We should start taking it seriously, because it is not about us. It is about the new souls, new children of faith. It is about the journeying with them until they get to heaven. It is a promise to always pray for them, and if possible always be with them physically whenever possible. It is also a greater responsibility for parents because, by the virtue of our parenthood, we are mandated to make sure our children’s fabric gets to heaven unstained. We are born stained. We have to get to heaven unstained, because nothing stained can enter heaven. Our first responsibility as parents then is to ‘unstain’ our children from the sins of our ancestry, the original sin. While we may plan many things for our unborn children, where they need to be born, where they will live, the kind of schools that they will attend, what they will wear, their beds, rooms and colours, we need to plan for their baptism as soon as they enter this world.  A friend of mine had his child baptized on the third day after delivery and I was impressed. Very impressed. We also need to teach them to hold this fabric in reverence, where fabric implies their lives, their character, their values, their activities which should not in any way stain their white fabric.

At our baptism, we also light a candle that symbolizes our new roles as Christians. That we are the light of the world. It is the responsibility of the Christian, the parents of the Christian and the Godparents to ensure the light keeps burning. Is my candle still burning brightly? Are my words and deeds a reflection that I am a child of the light? Are my words and deeds responsible for putting off other people’s candles, or are they making them shine brighter? Is my candle on the table or hidden under the table where the significance of its light is not recognized? Am I honest to my calling to be a child of God and a parent to a child of God? Am I using this candle to illuminate the lives of others or to set fire on their lives? Our candles is evidenced by the good deeds we keep performing. At the end of the day, when I look back on all my daily activities, can I identify any good deed?

The Second Luminous Mystery: – The Wedding at Canaan

Christ and His mother are guests at a wedding in Canaan.  Mary notices that the wine is running out and informs Christ. Christ is adamant because “His hour had not come” but because he is still living in obedience, he recognizes the need to respond to his mother’s request. Mary, believing in her son’s capacity tells those who were serving to do what Jesus tells them. And they did as instructed by Christ. The eventual outcome is JOY in the hosts who commended the good wine that was served at the end. Mary recognized the need of the ceremony. Mary recognized her sons’ capacity in fulfilling the need. The hosts were desperate for a solution and in following instructions from Christ, their needs were fulfilled beyond their expectations and there was Joy for everyone.

We are called to be intercessors. We are called to recognize the needs in others and express those needs to Christ. We are called to recognize the need for others and fulfill them whenever we can. This recognition is summed up by Christ on the preaching about Judgement day. “…I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me…”. My colleague was telling me of a story of some students who visited her in an office. One went to see her and she did not have food to eat. Another came in shortly after her, she had cooking flour, but she did not have vegetables and she had not paid fees. My colleague told this second student of the needs of the first student. This student requested to share her flour with this first student which in her opinion could make porridge, meaning she could not let the other go hungry and she had something to share. My colleague promised to provide for the vegetables as she waited and prayed for her that another Samaritan would come in to solve the fee problem. Both students got food to eat eventually. And the second by the grace of God also got fees. In another case, my former football captain shared her story in social media. She says that she employed a house help who was very kind to her child. This lady had a son in prison who was serving a life sentence. Through the good relationship with the prisoner’s mother, they started visiting the young man in prison. The relationship grew, though at the time, members were not allowed to see their kin. They spoke to them through a hole. The lady passed away after sometime and my former captain informally adopted this son as her own. She kept visiting him. Eventually with the improvement in prison services, they got to meet and it was an occasion of many tears. She recently attended an open day where they could share a meal and she saw the appreciation and the joy in the young man’s face knowing someone cared enough to visit him. This is what this mystery is teaching us. To recognize the needs of others and strive to fulfill them. We may not be in apposition to offer everything, or anything at all, but we can pray. We can always express those needs to Christ. Christ will find a way of fulfilling them. Who needs food to eat today? Who needs a listening ear? Who needs a nudge of encouragement? Who needs to be visited because they are broken? Who needs a hug? Who needs that boost in paying fees for their child and we have the resource? Who needs a ride to work because they have to get there but they just got employed and they are broke? Who is mourning and needs us to mourn with them? Who needs someone to share that moment of glory with us? Who needs a hand to hold on to just because they need some company in the journey of life and they are very scared of the dark? Who needs that listening ear? How can we respond to these needs? Can we be the servants executing the needs? Or can we be Mother Mary and present the needs to Christ?

There is also a very important aspect we need to remember. Mary’s instruction to listen to what Christ is telling us. Is Christ speaking to me today? What is He telling me? Is he telling me to be a little kinder to my child? Is He telling me to forgive? Is he telling me to respond to any of the needs of those I have encountered? How is He expressing this need? Is it that nudge in the heart? That constant thought of someone at night? That silent scream in your heart to reach out to a long lost friend? Is it the sudden need to talk to someone? Is it that friend of yours telling you about someone else’s story and they are wondering what to do? Is it that scripture that keeps reminding us of a certain experience we just had? That nudge to return kindness for kindness, not necessarily to the same person? Our subconscious usually tells us many things. Our interactions also tells us many things. Sometimes we need to be quiet and listen. Maybe, just maybe, Christ is telling us something.

The third Luminous Mystery: – The proclamation of God’s Kingdom

Christ proclaimed the kingdom of God in the three years of His ministry on earth in many ways. But what we need to note is he did it by word and deed. He preached the gospel to multitudes. He taught his disciples intimately in private. He fed the hungry. He healed the sick. He visited his friend’s sisters, Martha and Mary when Lazarus passed away. He vehemently condemned what was wrong. He practised what he preached. He preached of a kingdom of Love and lived it. He preached a kingdom of needs recognition. He recognised the need in others and went ahead to fulfil. He preached obedience. He obeyed his father. He preached forgiveness. He forgave those who killed him. He preached mercy. He was Merciful. Our Christian calling is to be Christ like. Are we Christ like? Are we proclaiming the gospel in word and deed? Is our private life different from our public one? If Christ was to come to us in our bedchambers, would we continue doing that which he found us doing? Or would we be as ashamed as Adam and Eve after eating the forbidden fruit? Do we feed the hungry? Do we visit the sick and those who are mourning? Are we alleviating peoples suffering or are we exacerbating it? Do we do what we are called to do whole heartedly as if we were doing it for God? Our jobs, our families, are the roles we play executed to the best of our ability? What are we holding back from God? In our baptism, we are crowned Kings, priests and prophets. Do we exercise these roles, or were they forgotten at the altar of our baptism? Are we living in obedience to the nature of our calling? Are we living in honesty to our priesthood? Are we living in honesty to our marriage vows? Are we living in honesty to our mission requirements of Chastity, Poverty and Obedience? Are we true to our call to parenthood? Are we true to our lay missionary work? A self-evaluation of our life with regard to our call to be Christ like will allow us to know whether we are proclaiming the Kingdom of God.

At our baptism, we lit a candle that needs to keep burning in our lives. The number of people reached by this light signifies the extent of our ministry. We preach Christ’s ministry first by living it as Christ did. How many grudges do we harbor in our hearts for past hurts? How many times do we narrate this hurts to others? In narrating them, are we preaching Christ? No, we need to forgive, and only refer to the hurt if it is the gospel of forgiveness we are preaching. How many times have we loved and lost? Lost our fiancés, our husbands, and our boyfriends? What do we remember when we think about them? Do we remember them in love for the moments shared or out of hate for the hurt they caused when they left? Are we preaching love for our enemies when we remember them? How many times have we fallen out with our brothers, sisters, parents and spouses? When we preach reconciliation, do we remember we need to reconcile with them or do we say, never ever shall I speak to them? How many times have we done stupid things? Do we remember to ask for forgiveness from God? Do we acknowledge a loving father who forgives even when our sins are as red as crimson? Do we remember that we need to do likewise?  How many times do our children go astray? Do we remember that Christ vehemently condemned wrong deeds? Do we condemn wrong acts? Or we look the other way because it is our children or loved ones doing it? Do we remember that we are to condemn the act not the person? Christ instructed a lot. Do we do the same to those who are young in faith? Do we reach out to them when they fall? Are we among those who are jeering at them and laughing because they have fallen? They will know we are Christians by our love. Do we live as children of Love? Children of love recognize needs of others and strive to alleviate them. In doing so, the candle of our lives keep burning.

The Fourth Luminous Mystery: – The transfiguration

Before Christ begins His mission, God declares that Jesus was His Beloved Child of whom He was greatly pleased. After proclaiming the Kingdom of God and is ready to end His ministry here on earth, God again declares His love and pleasure in Jesus. The question I keep asking myself is, when God looks at my life, and if heaven was to open, would He say the same things about me? Have I lived a life pleasing to God. When I was baptized, I a white fabric was symbolically placed on my forehead to show I had been clothed in white. Is my dress still white? If I died today, would I go to heaven?

The fifth Luminous Mystery: – The institution of the Holy Eucharist

Christ knows, with a lot of sadness that his hour has come. He shall be crucified. He will go back to His father. The disciples will be left like sheep without a shepherd. But he wants to share a last meal with his disciples. He wants to make it special. He organizes, through a strange request to a stranger for a room to be set for them. A meal is served. But Christ wanted to leave them with something more than a meal to remember Him by. Something that will not make them feel so lost. Yes, he had promised He will always be with them, yet He still thought he needed a symbol. He knows he is going to be away, but he desires that they will be spiritually strong. Food will give them physical strength, but he desires that they have spiritual food too to guide them through the moments of His physical absence. So while at supper, he takes bread, blesses and breaks it, and tells them, take this all of you and eat it. It is my body. Then he takes a cup and blesses it, tells them, here, drink from this, it is my blood, which will be shed for you and for all. Do this in memory of me.

Every time we receive Holy Communion, we commemorate the death and resurrection of our lord and the significance of all this in our lives. It is a reminder of who Christ was when he was alive, what he did and what he taught us. It is reminder of the sacrifice of love at the cross, and what this means to us in our daily lives. It is a constant reminder that we are children of eternity because by His rising, he went to prepare a place for us in heaven so that “Where I will be, you also will be”. It is a meditation of the whole of the journey of Christ as demonstrated by the Mysteries of the Holy Rosary. It is a reminder that I am not alone. In celebrating his memorial, I am reminded of His promises; I am with you till the end of time; I will send you a helper; I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you. It is a reality that, just like we get hungry and thirsty in our physical selves, we do get hungry spiritually and need spiritual nourishment. Spiritual nourishment gives us strength to fight our daily battles of faith, that urge to hang on longer to a grudge, that hardened heart that does not see the need to assist where there is need, because we once did and were robbed, that weakness of heart that draws us to valleys of self-pity and depression, that constant conflict we have with those close to us, that unexplained change of behaviour in those we love, that constant weakness that we cannot shake off, with this constant nourishment we can keep walking, trudging, running the race of faith. It is a reminder that I need to keep my garment clean. The temptations of this world, coupled with our vulnerability due to the original sin make us fall often. Since we cannot receive Holy Communion in an unworthy state, it reminds me that I need moments to examine my conscience regularly, I need to make peace with Christ in the sacrament of reconciliation, and make amends so that I can, in my weakness, live a worthy life. A life worthy of heaven. I need to make peace with those I have offended, I need to be at peace with myself, so that I can be at peace with God.

Article 49- The Sanctity and the dignity of the Human Person- Part II Dignity

Leave a comment

Merriam Webster Dictionary defines dignity as the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect. Human dignity is a central consideration of Christian philosophy. The Catechism of the Catholic Church insists the dignity of the human person is rooted in his or her creation in the image and likeness of God. This augments the argument on the sanctity of the person. Because man is created holy due to the fact that he is in the image and likeness of God who is Holy, then, each human person is worthy of honor and respect. Human dignity is something that can’t be taken away. Catholic Social Teaching states that each and every person has value, are worthy of great respect and must be free from slavery, manipulation and exploitation. “Catholic social teaching believes that human beings, created in the image and likeness of God (Genesis 1:26-27), have by their very existence an inherent value, worth, and distinction” (Daniel Groody “Globalization, Spirituality and Justice”).

The Bible teaches us that we are all one in Christ and should therefore be treated equally without discrimination – Galatians 3:28 ; There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Treating others with dignity follows the golden rule, that is the principle of treating others as one would wish to be treated. If you would wish to be given a drink when thirsty, then give a drink to the thirsty, if you would not wish anyone to steal your property, then do not steal, if you desire to be respected, please respect, if you want to be treated kindly and with mercy, the be kind and merciful. There are many ways of treating each other with dignity and honor and respect for instance respect, food provision, security, clothing and use of proper language.

SexualityI am however going to focus my article on sexuality. A contemporary definition of Human sexuality is the way people experience and express themselves sexually.  This includes physical, emotional, social and biological ways among others. The biological and physical aspects of sexuality largely concern the human reproductive functions including the human sexual response cycle for both male and female. Physical and emotional aspects of sexuality involve the bonds that are expressed through physical manifestations like touching, kissing, caressing and the conjugal act, or emotional manifestations like trust, love and care.  Social aspects express the effects of human society on one’s sexuality.

Sexuality 2The Catholic Church teaches that human life and human sexuality are inseparable. From deductive reasoning, since God created human beings in His own image and likeness, hence our holiness, and he found His creation to be very good, human body and sex then must also be very good. The Church considers the expression of love between husband and wife in the conjugal act to be an elevated form of human activity, joining husband and wife in complete, mutual self-giving, and opening their relationship to new life. Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman. In marriage the physical intimacy of the spouses becomes a sign and pledge of spiritual communion. And this marks the church’s teaching of application of the conjugal act.  In the Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI explained that the sexual activity, in which husband and wife are intimately and chastely united with one another, through which human life is transmitted, is noble and worthy and very good. The church teaches that sex is unitive and procreative, purposes which are not mutually exclusive. You cannot achieve one purpose and exclude the other. And since it is designated for couples, it exclusive to that particular couple. The conjugal love aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul since marriage is a sign of the Love between God and Humanity.

The Catechism further teaches about chastity as a way of respect of ones sexuality. It explains that chastity is the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman. Meaning that how we express ourselves sexually should be a way in honor of that special bond between a man and woman. Anything that contradicts this love and honor becomes wrong and offends not only the intention but also the people violating the intentions. Chastity is thus a way of dignifying our sexuality. Chastity is a journey of self-mastery where either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. Human Dignity requires each one of us to act towards self-mastery, by freely choosing to do what is right by his diligence and skill, ensuring that he/she does not offend the virtue of chastity, whether his/her own or of those he/she interacts with.  We should cultivate chastity in the way that is suited to our state of life. Married people are called to live conjugal chastity or conjugal fidelity.

Societal trends view the body as an object of pleasure or as a machine for manipulation. In these cases, sexual expression is sought outside sacramental marriage for the sole purpose of selfish pleasure or lustful reasons and the procreative function of sexual expression within marriage is deliberately frustrated. In sexuality this is manifested by individual pursuit of satisfaction of lust. Lust is a disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes. For instance in;

Masturbation where there is deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure;

Fornication which is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman – contrary to the intention of sex naturally ordered for the good of the spouses and transmission of life;

Adultery which refers to marital infidelity, that is, two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations – even transient ones; Incest which is intimate relations between relatives within which marriage is prohibited against them;

Pornography which consists of removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties thus offending chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, that is,  the intimate giving of spouses to each other, it does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, and the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others and it immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world;

Prostitution which does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure while the one who pays sins gravely against himself by violating his own gift of chastity and offending the one he pays by objectifying the person; and

Rape which is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person – deeply wounding the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life.

 In the Theology of the Body, St. John Paul II encourages a true reverence for the gift of our sexuality and challenges us to live it in a way worthy of our great dignity as human persons. We are therefore called to live worthy and honorable lives with regard to our sexuality. We should live chaste lives with regard to our state of life, whether unmarried, celibate or married. We should pray for graces to avoid anything that offends our own chastity and the chastity of those we interact with because in doing so we are treating them with the sexual dignity that we all deserve.

Article 47:- The Many faces of Friends

Leave a comment

…A faithful friend is a strong defence,

A faithful friend is the medicine of life…


The beginning of the climb

23rd September 2017. I joined my friend Eric on his 4th Journey up Mt. Longonot. I had promised myself severally how I needed to do this, my own Bucket List activity off the chart. But then there is this friend who has traveled with me in many journeys of life. He has known my downs and my ups, my frustrations and my achievements, my laughter, my celebrations, the toast moments and the lets keep it under the table moments. Eric. He lost his sight sometime back. Every year, through the Kenya Society of the Blind annual Longonot climb, ever since he lost his sight, he goes up the Longonot. This year, I decided to do this with him, as a thank you for the journeys he has traveled with me. The climb attracted quite a gathering. It was flagged off at the entrance to the park and up we went, a step at a time, one meter after another. As much as it was a check off my bucket list, it was a great learning experience especially on friendships. I learnt, on that climb that friendships presents itself in many faces. I will just highlight a few…

The fall back:-



The climbers were from several representations. We called ourselves TEAM ERIC. It was a group of Eric, his parents, his neighbour, a gentleman nicknamed Governor, Muthenya and myself. When we started the climb, everyone was all energetic. We had a pacesetter, and the rest of us trooped behind him or her. But as we went up, the energy levels went low. By the time we got to rest post 1, Eric was a bit dizzy. We all took a break. Muthenya snacked all of us. We took out water. And we waited for Eric to get better. How many times do we feel drained in this life we keep walking? How many of us can always look out for that one person who will be there for us at such low moments, when we know that no  matter our lows, someone will stand and wait for us to rethink, refocus, gain back the energy. Someone will give us that boost of energy. That word that will let us know, it is okay to feel weak, it is okay when we don’t have the energy to move on, it is okay to take a break, it is okay to be weak, it is okay to need a shoulder to lean on. All this is a phase of life. And it will pass. We will not be weak forever, we will rise and conquer the rest of the mountain.

The bounce back/motivator:-


Crater Point


After the rest, we continued our climb. We got to the first summit-Crater point. Here one can appreciate the distance traveled. You can see base down below. You can see the crater. Very beautiful. There is a group of people taking rest after the torturous climb. Some who arrived way earlier have already started their descent, others have started going round the crater. We take a breather, a few photos. Then we have to decide whether we are going round or not. Eric’s parents decide not to. Muthenya and Governor are already decided, they are going round. The set off. Eric is undecided. It’s a whole 7.2Km walk. I challenge him. He hesitates. Eventually he falls for the temptation. We set off too. We call the other two to wait up. Another climb to summit 2 begins, Team Eric now a smaller group. Off we go, one step at a time. It is more challenging than the firs climb, but eventually, after a little crawling and falling, a little slipping and trudging, silence and small talks, we get to KILELE NGAMIA. Wohoo! We all need that friend to challenge us to the next level. That friend who realizes our potential even when we don’t know we have it. That person who reminds us that our limit is only our own selves. We can finish the climb together. We shall travel it together. When you lack the energy, you can lean on me, but climbing we must. I remembered the many climbers we passed on. Literally holding on to others to take the next height, the “keep on going” voices behind them, those who gave up but with their team members were kept on their feet. Who with all this motivation got to the top, whichever summit.


The energy sucker:-

While the motivator challenges us to achieve new heights, this one is the exact opposite. This friends will drain all the energy left in you. Whatever little. They will tell you how much you cannot make in life. How much you don’t have the energy to finish. How untalented you are, how unfit, how feeble, how much a loser you are. I do not know if they are friends or “friends”. Whichever the case, they have a way of making life all doom and gloom. I may not have a perfect example from the climb, but it occurred to me that there are those who probably did not make it to the top because of that voice. Sometimes this voice is our own selves. We tell our selves how much we have not exercised, so we cannot finish the climb. How much unprepared we are for the interview, how many people have failed in life and it won’t be no different, how hard the task is and it should be performed by someone better than ourselves. We kill our own innovation, we drain our own strength. We kill our own self-belief.

The advocate:-

I have learnt that when something happens to us, there are those friends who will be called to answer on our behalf. It is good to have them because they know the real us. They can always speak on our behalf. They can say when we are afraid, they can say when we are being foolish, they can tell when we are falling off the road and going in a tangent of our desired positions. They are the other us. They are our voice when we have none. They can loudly tell one who is trying to make us look bad, “Whatever you say, I dont believe you, because I know her…”. They know that when we fall, we can count on them to lift us up and not laugh and jeer when everyone else is. They know that when my feet refuse o move that one step, its probably because I have a boil in the thigh or a blister on my toe. They don’t judge, they want to know the reason why. They can even explain that why we we do not have the reason.

The twin:-

One thing that has stayed in my mind is this group of two boys, both visually impaired, they passed us in the ascend to the first summit, stumbling, trudging but holding each other up. I think one was partially blind or both were, I do not know, but the determination in their faces and the arms they kept around each other spoke volumes. They passed us the second time just before we got to the second summit. When they did, we cheered them on. They really inspired me. There are those friends who literally walk with us in this wake of life. They stumble when we stumble, they rise when we rise, they laugh with us, they cry with us, they celebrate with us, and they struggle with us in our daily endeavors. They do not necessarily do what we do, they are not necessarily present, but they share in our every moments.

While we all know that faithful friends are hard to come by, while we also appreciate that some friends are multi faced in our lives, we live to thank God because, we have a defense to always lean on, depend on, look up to, and are always nourished in by their presence. A faithful friend is the medicine for life.

Teaching by Witnessing

Leave a comment

aOn 13th May 2017 we had a recollection organized by the Jomo Kenyatta University – Catholic Community Alumni Association (JKUAT CATCOM ALUMNI). It is one of the events that the group organizes and members participate in. Other activities being: a charity event; an annual planning meeting and an annual Mass at JKUAT main campus.

This year’s recollection was special, not only because it has been a while since we were together as a group, but also because it was facilitated by an alumnus of JKUAT CATCOM. Many of us remember him singing tenor in the CATCOM Choir, getting stressed with assignments and exams like the rest of us, as an organizing secretary of CATCOM, or even as the fastest man during social day. It was fascinating to watch him on the other end facilitating a recollection, celebrating mass. It was seeing him in a new dimension.

Whatever he taught was also a new dimension to what we are used to, where as a disciple, we are supposed to preach through more than our words. Many are the times we fail to do that because we preach one thing and do something else. He encouraged us to teach by witnessing. An action based kind of preaching Christ. The online dictionary gives the definition of witnessing as: to give or serve as evidence of or testify to. We are called to live life as an evidence of Christ in us, to be a living testimony of Christ in our lives.

How do we do that?

In Mathew 28:16-20, Christ gives us a command, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”.  He authorizes all whom he have called for himself to go and make disciples. In Acts 1:8, we are told, we will be witnesses of God. In the famous walk to Emmaus (Luke 24:16-35), after resurrection, Christ exemplifies what teaching by witnessing is all about in the following ways:-

Jesus went with them: – We must walk with those we are witnessing to. We must go where the flock is. “If we are to be good shepherds, we must smell like sheep.” – Pope Francis. We must live in such a way that those we are witnessing to recognizes us as followers of Christ. The famous statement preaching water and drinking wine does apply. We must live according to Christ’s teaching and in this way, we will be preaching Christ with our actions. We however may not be recognized by our own, just like the disciples failed to recognize Christ on the walk to Emmaus. This could be due to sadness in their hearts due to whatever experiences they are going through just like Christ’s disciples were sad because He was dead. There could be detachment between “Us and Them”, meaning just because we know Christ, we start living in utopia and detach ourselves form the realities of their daily emotions that affect who they are and what they believe in, we become strangers to them. There could be because of hopelessness and doubt, just like the disciples doubted the resurrection even after the women shared the good news of the resurrection and were hopeless because He whom they believed will “save” them from the Roman oppression was no more.

Jesus was patient with them: – Jesus walked with them the whole journey. He not only walked and listened to their version of what had happened in Jerusalem, but also explained to them the scripture. Not just a single verse expounded, he explained from the old and new testament, the first to the last prophets and how Christ fit in in the whole picture.  He listened to their foolishness, and filled it with knowledge. How patient are we when our Christianity is challenged by doubt. How knowledgeable are we on the gospel of Christ. How willing are we to sit and explain it to those we encounter, like explaining the concept of lightning and thunder to a three year old.

Jesus Nurtured a strong Bond: – Christ’s journey with the two disciples was a great encounter. He understood their weaknesses. He taught them patiently, in a language they could understand what salvation was. He made himself part of them, of their weak selves. However much he did not participate in their foolishness, they felt understood. They felt they belonged. They felt identified and appreciated. They felt wanted. They felt a part of this stranger who did not rebuke them for being foolish but accepted that they needed a little more knowledge so they could understand. They felt appreciated even in their weakness. How many times do we seek to be appreciated for who we are? How often do we identify ourselves with those who we deem unknowledgeable? How many times do we flee from those who are really in need just because we do not want to be associated with them? How many times do we alienate those we deem different from us? We are called to nurture strong bonds with those we encounter, those who need to encounter Christ through us. We are called to “Make Disciples, before we can teach or baptize them”. They can only become disciples if they feel appreciated, not condemned for who they are.

In Acts 2:22 & 32; we are called to witness the risen Christ. We are called to be the living faith amongst the lay Christians. We are called to be the light of the world, not the light in the world. We are called to live such that in our absence, the light we lit will still shine in those we encountered while we lived. We are called to give who we are not to give what we have. We need to give ourselves to those we are witnessing to because giving ourselves is an act of love. We are called to, like St Francis of Assisi “preach the word always, but only use words when necessary”. The modern man listens more to witness more than to teachers…

An example is given of St. John Marie Vianney who despite his deficiencies in formal studies, he witnessed Christ as a great confessor who touched many souls beyond his parish and indeed his country.

Lay Christians who witness Christ with their lives do as much evangelization as ordained ministers. When we understand that we were created for a purpose then we live a fulfilling life and influence all those around us positively. Let us also remember to pray for others.

Above all “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect …” (1st Peter 3:15).



5 things to remember when your child gets a seizure/ Convulses



Mom monitoring a seizure in a child

The first time I heard of Epilepsy, was in a first aid class I helped organize for a group of pro-life students in 2003 when I was in college. And of course it rarely concerns you until it hits home… You will read a lot of the seizures, the types, and one thing you will realize is, most common child seizures are caused by fever. Of course there are those that just happen, and doctors brand them atypical, but in simple terms, that is just epilepsy. Your child has a seizure whose cause cannot be explained, then they have epilepsy. It is a big and scary word. And traumatizing. But it is actually scarier to watch your child convulse. Having witnessed 2 in a span of 6 months, I am no expert, but I have a tip or two to share if you ever find yourself in my shoes. This may not be limited to children, but if you ever be in a place where one is having a seizure, the procedure of what you need to do more or less remains the same.

A typical -grand mal- seizure more or less takes place in the same way or follows the same pattern. The casualty stretches out, goes rigid and falls, then jerking movements, then often but not always grinding of teeth, then sleep. Each phase takes different lenth of time. One seizure may not necessarily take as long s the one before, or one stage may take longer or shorter time than the previous one. Here is waht you do:-

  1. Thou shall not panic:- As a parent watching your child going through all that , the first instinct is, scream, pick up the child and run to hospital. I did that and when I got to hospital, I was asked questions I could not answer. So as a parent or observer, it is your time to be most sane. Everything that you are going to observe in the next few seconds to a few minutes counts in terms of what diagnosis and tests will be given to your child. Don’t panic, no matter how hard it sounds.
  2. Get a soft landing:- By this I mean, remove the danger from the casualty or remove the casualty from danger, whichever is easier. If it is a child, place them on a soft bed or couch or put something soft under them. This will ensure that when they jerk they do not injure themselves further. If the casualty is an adult, break the fall. Hold them as they fall, ensure the ground around them is free of stones, sharp object etc. Do not try to wedge the child’s mouth open or place an object between the teeth, and do not attempt to restrain movements (seizurekids.com). This should also apply to adults as well.
  3. Take note of what happens while the person is in the fit:- One thing you will sure be asked when you get to hospital is “Describe the seizure”. How will you describe if you did not observe? Take note of the times of each phase. How long did the casualty stretch or was stiff, how long did the jerking movements take, how were the jerks, just the hands or both hands and feet, how long did they sleep immediately after the seizure? Most importantly, check for fever.
  4. When they fall asleep,now do what you were to do in the panic state:- After seizure, the casualty sleeps. Now you can panic. Run to your room, get your wallet and baby bag, call a cab, run out of the door and call the neighbor. Get to hospital. Whatever you do, make sure you get you child to hospital especially if it is the first seizure. As soon as possible. After all the 3 above are done. If it is a subsequent one, you probably already have a neurologist, call them, inform them, schedule a check up with them.
  5. Be ready for the checks:- While you are riding to hospital, prepare yourself psychologically for the check ups. Once you get to the hospital, you will answer on what you noted on the above. Was the child on medication, remember the names of the medication he was on. Is there a history of epilepsy in your family? If it is the first convulsion, and there was no fever, and the above checks out as okay according to the doctor seeing you, they will do a lot of blood checks. They check for infections, blood sugar among many other things. If that comes out negative, they will do a head scan to check for trauma (read injuries to the head). They will actually tell you to hold the child as he goes into that machine. Its a tough journey. If that comes out normal, they will admit the child and monitor. when they rule out the possibility of a second seizure, you will be advised to go home and of course return if a second seizure does occur for a brain activity test called EEG. After this they will put the child on medication until their 6th birthday.

I am not writing this as a medic.Just as a parent trying to help a another parent who is going to go through the same or going through the same. It may sound tough that you have to act and seem like you have no feelings for your child, but the information you relay to the doctor is so crucial to your child’s well being and diagnosis. Trust God to see you through the desperate times, be strong for your child and be there for them when they do not seem to be fathoming what is happening in their tender lives. Perhaps my next big challenge next will be when he goes to school. I am not afraid, it is well in Christ. It always is…

Finally, you will realize I have used the word casualty when describing what you need to do. It is not because they cease to be your child when it happens, but because you must disassociate yourself with the mushy feelings of motherhood, you must choose to act as opposed to weep or scream, you must choose to be sane as opposed to emotional. Mushiness may cloud your judgment. Panic will prevent you from noting what needs to be noted. Detaching yourself may work, if only for that short while when your sanity is so called for.

Article 44:- The gift of Sex…

Leave a comment

I have always wanted to write about this. I do believe that sex is indeed beautiful, in the context of marriage, otherwise it is profaned. I also believe that there are two functions of sex that are not mutually exclusive, that is the unitive, and the pro-creative. I also know that in our selfish motives, humanity has magnified the unitive aspects and struggled a lot to frustrate the pro creative aspects. However, I recently read this post from Pastor Antonio Vance and I don’t think I could have brought it out better than he expressed.

So I will share the read here.

Most times when sex is mentioned among believers, what you normally hear is what singles should not do until marriage or what husbands and wives should not do outside of marriage. You rarely ever hear that sex is a beautiful gift that God created to be fully enjoyed. Now it’s true this is only to be done within the confinements of marriage between husband and wife, but the point is too many talk about the perversion of sex while very little address the beautiful gift of sex.

Sex is a gift from God and according to the word, any gift from God is good. So sex is good. Can you even fix your mouth to say that? “Sex is good”! And not only is sex good but sex is a blessing! Yes we know fornication is bad because fornication is sin. And we also know that adultery is bad because adultery is sin. But sex, (making love, being intimate with each other, whichever you like to call it), is good because it is holy, intimate, an act of worship and a gift from God.

God is the one who made us and He made us to be attracted to the opposite sex. He didn’t make several different types of sex’s as the word says, “He made them (us) “male and female” (Gen 2:6) and He made male to be attracted to female and female to be attracted to male. What kind of attraction? SEXUAL attraction.

Contrary to popular beliefs and teachings in the Christian community, it is not a sin for a man to be sexually attracted to a woman nor is it a sin for a woman to be sexually attracted to a man. God Himself gave us these desires and He gave us these desires so that we could enjoy His gift of sex to us. The only requirement to operate in this beautiful gift is that a man takes a woman to be his wife, FOR LIFE! That’s it! This gift is so intimate that it’s actually a part of what joins man and wife as one. So it’s time for believers to stop downplaying sex and see it for the beautiful gift that it really is.

And that means you cannot separate marriage from sex nor sex from marriage. You can’t talk honorably about marriage yet talk down about sex. Why? Because God made sex and gifted it to every man and woman who marries. So if sex is only for a man and woman who’s married, and marriage is honorable, and sex comes only with what’s honorable (marriage), then it is safe to say that marriage which includes sex is honorable.

Now it’s true that you can be married and not have sex for whatever reason and your marriage would still be honorable, but the gift of sex is still available to you whether you use it or not. I remember once a single Christian man asked us, “What’s sex other than sweating, grunting and climaxing”? It was actually somewhat sad that a single believing man had such a distorted view of a gift created by our Heavenly Father. Who knows how many other singles view sex in this same way? If more believers had balance in this area where they would learn not only about the sin of sex but the blessing of sex as well, then maybe there would be less fornication among single believers, less sexual problems in marriage among newlyweds, less adultery among confessing believers and more sex between husbands and wives.

But instead, the sin is talked about more than the blessing, so what most believers know is what not to do instead of what they can do. And then couples are too embarrassed to ask anything about the gift of sex because it’s been made to be shameful not realizing that sex is also apart of love…in marriage.

Too many married couples struggle with sex because all they ever heard when it came to sex while they were single was how sex before marriage was a sin. But what about what’s not sin? Is sin all there is? Scripture says, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom/liberty” (2 Cor 3:17 ), so in this case and for this situation that means that believing married couples should be able to freely learn about this this gift from other believing married couples without restraint, embarrassment or condemnation. When the brethren truly come together to learn in the freedom of Christ about whatever the topic is, you won’t have so many of God’s people in bondage in their marriages. There are actually many believing newlyweds who know so much about marriage but don’t know much about sex. So they struggle because all they know is what not to do and since talking about sex is so taboo, they are afraid to ask older couples in the Lord for fear of embarrassment. So now wives aren’t being pleased and are hurting, husbands don’t know their wives aren’t being pleased or hurting and in the end couples do this for years and miss the fullness of this beautiful gift. Yet the scriptures say that the younger should teach the older and Titus 2 even goes so far as to say the older wives should teach the younger wives “…how to love their husbands…” Well, did you know in marriage loving your spouse includes sex?

The gift of sex in marriage is to please each other sexually while worshiping God spiritually. Yes sex is an act of worship and God is pleased when husband and wife come together sexually. He doesn’t leave the room when married couples make love to each other. He doesn’t turn His back when husbands and wives are sexually intimate. In fact God approves of couples engaging in the very gift that He created just for them! When a Father gives a gift to his children, he wants his children to enjoy that gift and take pleasure in it. And one of the amazing things about this gift of sex is, it has wonderful benefits for both husband and wife. What benefits? Glad you asked!

Some of the benefits of sex in marriage are, it relieves stress which has been medically proven, it brings forth children which are blessings and a heritage of the Lord. It brings couples closer together and causes them to become one. It’s one way husband and wife can express their true love for each other. Yes sex shows TRUE LOVE which is rarely ever talked about. How so? Because this deeply intimate gift is to be shared with husband and wife only and when couples partake in this blessing with each other only, it displays that, “No one else can partake in this gift with me but YOU”. Don’t you see? It’s just that private and just that personal that no one can share in this gift with a husband but his wife and no one can share in this gift with a wife but her husband.

It is very rare if ever that you find a believing married couple who understand the gift of sex, involved in any sexual activities outside of their marriage or even divorcing. When believing couples understand this gift, they won’t have to be told that adultery is sin because they will understand just how sacred this gift from God is.

So let’s stop talking bad about something that is good and is from God. Marriage is honorable and marriage includes sex. Let us who are married partake in this beautiful gift as often as we agree to and let those of us who are single look forward to this gift in the sanctity of marriage. Let us no longer be afraid to talk about this blessing as long as it is for edification and and education among the brethren and let us also understand that sex is a beautiful gift from God to husbands and wives.

1 Cor 7:3 (GWT), “Husbands and wives should satisfy each other’s [sexual] needs”.

The scripture shows that both husband and wife have sexual needs that must be fulfilled by each other. Sex in marriage is a need and that is the way God made it.

1 Cor 7:4 (NIV), “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife”.

Another way to say yield is ‘to give’. So in other words, the wife gives her body to her husband for his sexual pleasure and to be pleased in return just as the husband gives his body to his wife for her sexual pleasure and to be pleased in return. No one else can have each other’s bodies but one another.

1 Cor 7:5 (NLT), “Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control”.

Because sex is a need of both husband and wife, God has made it clear in His word that both have to agree to refrain from sexual intimacy to pray (or fast) and that it be only for a limited time. Then after that time, God instructs husband and wife to come together again so that Satan won’t tempt either of them. Satan does not always tempt husband or wife with another man or woman, but often times he tempts them with obscene pictures and videos, masturbation which is self-pleasure/self-gratification without your spouse and/or lusting after the same sex. In other words, God gave instructions along with the gift of sex to both husband and wife and when those instructions (His word) are applied correctly, there is pleasure for both husband and wife, less temptation, closeness experienced, an act of worship before the Lord, conception of children, healing from past sexual hurts and more!

Prov 5:15-19, “Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love”.

Food for ingestion and digestion…

Article 43:- Is there a formula for coping with labor pains?…

Leave a comment


On the 2nd of September 2015, was my fourth time in the labor ward. No, I don’t have four children of my own, not yet, maybe someday, by the Grace of God. Twice, I have been there on other people’s account. One thing that has always brought joy and a tear to my face on all the four occasions is the first cry of a new born child. Doctors will tell you that a baby must cry when they land in this world. I guess it is a magical cry born of this fact, but it is a moment out of this world. That is not the intent of this article.

Being in that labor ward reminded me of my own moments.  After a preterm labor at 35 weeks scare and a highly monitored delicate 4-week bed rest, I was finally induced at week 39. I remember my doctor’s talk before the induction process. He told me that there was 50% chance I would end up in a theatre. He told me to expect pain, and being induced the scale of pain goes up, say in a scale of one to ten, from 4 to 8. He told me to cooperate with the hospital staff. And the scary part, he told me in active labor, the cervix opens at the rate of 1cm every 1.5 hours, you can extrapolate how long that is going to be. I can recall the first quarter of Misoprostol tablet being inserted at 11am, then the next being put under my tongue at 5Pm. Then the cramps beginning, the water breaking, being rushed from the ward to the labor ward, the puking all through my labor (I must confess it helped with coping with the pain though), the periodic excruciating moments and the in-betweens where I could doze off (unimaginable-right), the helpful nurses who kept rubbing my back. Then walking into the delivery room, and the nurses urging me to push, and then he was out. Then they held him and asked me, “boy or girl?” and in my daze I answer, boy. He did not cry, so he was slapped a bit. Then he did. A small voice, but a cry alright. And everything was alright, we had pulled through. God had made the moment count. They cleaned him up, and brought him to me and the first words I ever said to him, God bless you my boy, and I put a sign of the cross on his forehead with my thumb. I remember every moment. Most people don’t . But I remember because one other thing my doctor told me was, regardless of the pain, stay sane. And sane I tried to stay. 9 hours later, I got the privilege of listening to my boy’s first cry. It is the best sound any mother will ever hear. Through the whole process I learnt to appreciate that birth is a Godly process. I have always known that, I have told my friends that, but mostly, I have believed it. Labor is different for every woman, and birth process as different as the number of children in this world. Tutorials have been developed on how to manage labor, classes of the same are taught, but when all is done, when you enter into that labor ward, it is you, your child and God. The rest of the people, even the doctors are spectators. I include the child because; even that child is in labor with you, literally. The child must bear the stress of the contractions for as long as the labor lasts. Some don’t and get distressed and they must be removed from the womb in the fastest way possible. Some mothers don’t either, they get fatigued and the mother and child must be separated and each attended to differently to ensure their safety. Others, in the process, either or both mother and child go to be with the lord.

I know many myths that have been said about labor, for instance, if your shoe size is less than five, your child is too big, you are short, and then you will end up in CS. I remember the labor stories that have lasted 30 minutes, others 36 hours.  I remember my niece being told she has a condition called Cephalo-pelvic Disproportion (CPD) and CS was inevitable. I remember reading somewhere that a woman who has brought forth a child into this world has been close to death. I remember the helplessness of the moment when you can call all the ancestors, angel’s saints, bash the walls, push beds scream abuses and anything crazier than crazy that you will never know you did, because in that moment, you are in your own world. I remember all this and my conclusion is one, it is a Godly process, just like conception is. He decides which sperm and which ovum becomes that baby, He defines when that baby graces this world, and no matter how much we want to convince ourselves of how much control we have over our life, He determines how they come.  He decides whether both mother and child lives. Not because He is a mean God, but because all of us are in this world for a purpose, and if our purpose is accomplished when we bring forth that child into this world, then we go back and be with Him who loves us most.

Many first time mothers, well even fifth time ones will have anxiety especially as the d-day approaches. This is because all of us have an intrinsic fear of imminent pain. Some women, out of the fear of the same opt for elective CS, or epidurals. Other developments have also come up in a bid to make the process as painless as possible. Many women will ask how to cope with the pain and there are enough videos online on how to make things easier. I do not have a formula for coping, or even a guide on how someone should cope with pain. I do not have a how to for my next birth. All I know is, birth process is a miracle. Whichever way the child lands into this world, it is a miracle. Holding that little person in your arms for the first time is magical. And a privilege we should forever thank God for. I can equate it to walking into a path you know not how long it is, or where it leads, but knowing that it is a path you must walk. You must walk it because you must. You can only imagine, pray and hop for an outcome that seems obvious. Whatever happens in between, only God knows. Does it mean that you should not prepare for labor, no. Go for Lamaze if you believe it will help, practice breathing, get a birth partner, do everything that you believe will help it be smoother for you. Walk, exercise your pelvic floor muscles, watch the videos, talk to your doctor, involve your spouse, do everything humanly possible, but most of all pray, surrender it all to God, because it is God who orders life. And He decided that children should land into this world as they do, well maybe humanity played a role, but it was His verdict. Pray for the safety of both of you.

Article 40 :- The things my mother teaches me…


I have not put up anything for a while. It’s been a hectic several months. I changed jobs and for some time I was working for two employers; not easy at all. Then I went home, to the village. My rural home is very refreshing, so you don’t what to go there and carry technology with you. There you go to rejuvenate yourself and refill that which was draining empty. Other than the lush green and fresh air, I always learn something new from my mother. So, this break is also a learning experience from this very wise woman. Today I just want to share few things among the many I have learnt from her, in the hope that I may inspire someone somehow. That’s the whole reason behind sharing knowledge, right?

The importance of discipline: – According to Miriam Webster On-line Dictionary, Discipline is among other things, training that corrects, molds or perfects moral character; self control or suppression of base desires. It is a way of life that is molded by continuous control gained by requiring that rules and orders be obeyed and bad behavior is punished. Sometimes the training may not be by instruction; that is being sat down and given a lecture on how to behave. Many are the times this instruction is by example, though once in a while words are inevitable. As long as I can remember, my mother has always gone to church every Sunday, no matter how early the mass is; she will always rise a few minutes past 6 am, she will do her chores- her house has always been sparkling clean and clothes, to date, are washed daily in her house-, she will go to work (informal kind of work), cook family meals, ensure everyone has had a bath, whichever way one likes it, warm-u get warm and otherwise. She will go for small Christian community. Whatever she puts her heart to achieve, she goes for it; she dedicates her mind and energy to accomplishing that task and rests when it’s done. She gives herself deadlines. She beats them. Her rules are reasonable and when you break them, you really feel guilty for doing it, because she gives you freedom to do the right thing. She is a woman of few words, so her training has been mostly by actions. Discipline. With the example she has set in molding herself, adhering to her own rules, I have learned to make my own rules too; rules to live by. The rules are not cast in stone, they are flexible but I have learnt the importance of setting standards of your own life and living by them. For her, most of the standards are guided by the teachings of her faith in God; for instance, if you don’t work you should not eat. For that, she works hard and enjoys the fruit of her labor. Adhering to your own rules make you principled. It means you cannot be easily swayed to do things just because people are doing them. It means you have a stand on many issues because if you don’t then you can fall for anything. It means you have standards that you are not willing to have compromised unless those standards go against the will of God. It means you have a voice of your own whether anyone ever hears it or not. It means you are your own person. She taught me to become my own person; exhibiting my own uniqueness, whether in strength or weakness. She taught me the importance of character. She taught me to be self guided, self motivated, self reliant, innovative and identify my own paths in life and diligently follow them and actualize myself in those dreams that I seek to pursue.

Commitment to prayer for our children: – My mother is a very prayerful person and most of the time I tell her I accord where I am to the many prayers she has said for me and all of us. I know I have gotten into trouble (I have a knack for that) and gotten out mysteriously/miraculously. I know I have been to through hard times that only she as a mother understands, and come through. I have seen God in my life in so many ways. I wouldn’t say am a prayerful person, but I know my mother prays for me. I thanked her on this last visit and I told her, I honestly believe that I am where I am because God favored her and answered her prayers and she told me that when we were young she would kneel before God and tell Him to hold our hands and guide us to live good lives. I thank God for the people we have become. I pray to God to grant me the same energy, strength and resilience to always remember my children in my prayers. I hope I can pray for them with the same zeal. But more so I hope I can teach them how to pray for themselves just like she taught me in the foot of her bed as a young girl.

Do good for goodness sake: – A famous Kiswahili saying “tenda wema nenda zako”- Do good and go your way. Most of us perform acts of charity so that we may be recognized, or praised by those who see us or so that those who we are kind to can be indebted to us and when they do not return the favor we get angry and throw tantrums. There is no God’s teaching that says love so that you are loved. Christ commands us to love-period. Whether the love is reciprocated or not should never determine our acts of love. I have witnessed so many kind deeds from her I am astounded. The Kenya Post Election Violence was hard on us (disregard the myths of who suffered most) and especially on me. But picture this woman returning from an IDP camp, someone who lost everything, passes by this house of one regarded as an enemy, finds some Irish potato seeds this lady wants to go plant on her farm, but in her kindness, this frenemy gives the seeds to her, I don’t even know if she left some for herself. For her it is the only hope she can give this hopeless person who is returning to rebuild her life that, if you plant this seed, at some time-T you will harvest and have some livelihood for you and your children. It may not be much, but it was a beginning. Case 2:- you have a relative who lives a hopeless life somewhere, but you go your way to till their land, plant, weed, and do all appertains to crop maintenance, just to make sure this family has a livelihood. I have seen the selfless acts she does and every time I tell myself, if I ever become a fraction of the woman she is, then I will not have lived in vain. Well, may God bless her kind soul, and may she never tire doing good deeds.

Blessed is he who finds a good wife: – When we think of a good wife, we think of proverbs 31. I remember being told to read it by very good small Christian community members that it be my guide in my married life. It’s a small caption from a father to a son on what the father’s mother taught him on character of a good wife. I can summarize thus:-

A good wife brings good to her man, nurturing confidence in him, earning him respect among his peers; She works hard to provide for her family and all those who depend on her; She is an innovative entrepreneur; She is kind, giving to the poor; She is a good planner, ensuring her family is provided for in all seasons, all basic needs; She has dignity, self respect and is disciplined; She is wise; Most importantly; a good wife she fears the Lord.

My mother may not be all these things, literally, but she has taught me to try and be there for my family in my own little ways. My dad has been unwell in the recent past and the dedication I have seen as she takes care of him is humbling. She has slept in hospital chairs just to be at his side in those lonely nights he is in a lot of pain. In his weakest moment, she has been his strength, in his desperate moments she has been his hope, in those moments when he cannot pray, she has been that prayer he most needed. When work took him away from his family, she stood firm and ensured the family run well, she was the father and mother to her children. I can go on and on. I have listened to many men rant on radio shows of how women are bad, gold diggers, crazy, and how they only deserve so little worth; on the other hand I have listened to women who have been mistreated by the same people who have loved them for the better and the worst times of their lives. All I can say to all that is, blessed is he who finds a good wife, a Proverbs 31 wife. Surprisingly, it was lessons from a mother too.

Love your children unconditionally: – Children are a blessing from God, regardless of their capacities, character and abilities. A long time ago, when I was 8 years old or thereabouts, my younger brother passed on. He was physically challenged. His doctors never expected him to get to 5 years, but he died a month to his 6th birthday. Every time I listen to my mother talk about him, I cannot help but cry. She talks very fondly about him. I may not remember much about him, but I know he was an ever smiling boy. Making him happy was very easy. He could laugh a hearty laughter. He was very smart for his age. He was friendly to all. He had a knack for getting injuries but hat never made him grumpy at all. And he died in her arms. At our time and age, when technology can allow us to predict whether our children are “normal” or not, most women opt to terminate little lives just because they do not fit our definition of a “perfect child”. We all grow up and become different people, sometimes not what our parents envisioned we will become. My brothers, sister and I have different characters and all of us have given her enough bile juice at some point in time. We have made our mistakes, we have fallen, and we have done crazy things that have made her hair stand. We will still drive her crazy. That has and I believe will never make her love us less. May we celebrate our children with the same zeal, love and dedication to their lives regardless of who they become.

Irrespective of my age, I am still a young person. I am still learning especially from the people I encounter every day. I have picked a lot from this woman who God graced to be my mother, some I can never get to finish writing about. I pray for blessings upon her for the life she has lived, for the examples she has set but more so I forever thank her for the prayers she has prayed for me. I hope that someday when my children look back, they will find fond things to say about the woman who was their mother. I don’t live for that though, I live for the love I can give them and the values I can teach them, but more so I live in hope that I can teach them to know the precepts f the lord in those precepts they can find their way in life and become the very best of themselves. 

Older Entries

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: